Dodo not as dumb as he looks

Our roving rodent reporter Zoey and photographer Zeek have a brand new exhibit at their zoo, The World of Yesterday. They have the pleasure welcoming their very first guest, Dreyfuss the dodo. At the grand opening, they talk to the fascinating Raphus cucullatus and learn that things are not always as they appear.

Zeek: Now remember, Zoey, make sure you don’t use any of those big words of yours when talking to our guest today.

Zoey: What are you talking about, Zeek?

Zeek: The dodo! I’ve heard they are pretty dumb. We may have to talk…very…slowly….

Zoey: I’m sure it will be fine. Shhh! Here he comes!

Dreyfuss: Oh! I see we have visitors today! Hullo! Hullo there!

Zoey: Hello! We’re here to interview you, Mr. Dodo. (Zeek snickers)

Zoey: (Whispers to Zeek) Zeek, do I have to put you in a time out?

Dreyfuss:  Greetings and salutations! It is good to be here.

Zeek: Helloooooooo…. How…are…you…enjoying….your…exhibit?

Dreyfuss: I beg your pardon. Is there something wrong with this mouse?

Zoey: Don’t pay any attention to him. (Elbows Zeek)

Zeek: Ouch, Zoey. That hurt.

Zoey: Mr. Dodo, we are honored to welcome you to the latest attraction in our zoo, the World of Yesterday.

Dreyfuss: Why, thank you. But you needn’t call me Mr. Dodo.

Zeek: What do we call you, then?

Dreyfuss: Most of my associates address me as Dr. Dreyfuss Dodo, Esquire.

Zeek: Great! We could always use another doctor. I’ve got this cut on my paw.

Dreyfuss: Unfortunately I cannot attend to that. For I am not a medical doctor; rather, I have a Ph.D.

Zeek: A what?

Dreyfuss: I am a doctor of philosophy, my boy. A minister of the mind, if you will; a veritable thaumaturge of thinkery!

Zeek: (Confused) A whozits?

Dreyfuss:  I teach.

Zeek: Ohhh!

Dreyfuss: Very good, sir. I knew you’d get it.

Zoey: You teach? Why, that’s wonderful! What do you teach, Dr. Dodo?

Dreyfuss: Please. Call me Professor.

Zoey: Sure. What do you teach, Professor?

Dreyfuss: I mostly teach animal and human alike about our fair species.

Zoey: That’s wonderful, Professor. And surely it’s a worthy cause! What would you like your students to know?

Dreyfuss:  I urge every one of my pupils not to be confused by the term “dodo,” as so many people are. My people were a fearless flock, ever trusting of others, and our primeval naivety was cynically misrepresented as stupidity.

Zoey: Why, that’s really interesting.

Dreyfuss: Dodos are great birds, however. Very cultured and articulate creatures with their own distinct lifestyle. . There are many famous dodos celebrated in great literature.

Zeek: Yeah? Which ones?

Dreyfuss: Well, for one, the great scribe Lewis Carroll wrote of a most cultured dodo in his tale, Alice In Wonderland.

Zoey: Ah, yes! My favorite character is the Dormouse! I love how he sings, “Twinkle twinkle little bat…”

Dreyfuss: Now there was a gentleman who knew his dodo. Such a refined and strong character as the dodo leading the Caucus Race!

Zoey: I liked the dodo, too.

Dreyfuss: Above all dodos are known—at least among the cognoscenti—for their intelligence and dignity, always their dignity.

Zeek: Dignity, yeah, got it. Can we get your picture?

Dreyfuss: Why, of course you may. I shall stand over here so you may get the best light.

Zeek: Wow, you even know about photography.

Zoey: You certainly are a very handsome bird. I love your white plumes.

Dreyfuss: Why, thank you. You are too kind. Yes, dodos have a very striking appearance, yet our faces, well …we are very unusual looking. One man even went as far as to call us “grotesque”. Imagine!

Zoey: That’s terrible!

Dreyfuss:  People have often ridiculed us because we look unusual.

Zeek: Why do you put up with that?

Dreyfuss: Dignity, my dear boy. Dignity! None shall know us except for being brave and intelligent and… (sniffs) dignified.

Zoey: You certainly won’t be ridiculed in this zoo, but admired for your uniqueness.

Dreyfuss: Such a gift could never be matched, my dear lady.

Zoey: As a welcome to the World of Yesterday at our great zoo, we have set up a buffet for you with all of your favorite fruits.

Dreyfuss: (Opens his eyes and turns) Mmm…did you say buffet?

Zoey: Oh yes, right this way Professor. You are quite a celebrity around here so we’ve got all the foods you could ever want.

Dreyfuss: Oh my! That looks wonderful! Oh, my—plums…oranges….pomegranates….Tambalocque seeds!

Zeek: Hey Prof, are you okay?

Dreyfuss: (Getting excited) I hope you don’t mind if my family partakes of this great feast as well.

Zoey: No, not at all. It was made for them.

Dreyfuss: Splendid! (Whistles) DINNER!!!

(There is a stampede of dodos.)

Zeek: Wow! Look at ‘em go! They really look hungry!

Dreyfuss: Mmmm. Oh my! Yes! Food. I must have more! MORE!!!

(He eats everything in sight.)

Zoey: Here. Wow, you sure can eat a lot.

Zeek: (Whispers to Zoey): Be careful or he may eat your hand.

Zoey: Zeek!

Dreyfuss: (With his mouth full) Well, eating is one of our favorite pastimes.

Zeek: (Whispering to Zoey) I’ll say! Just look at the gut on him!

Zoey: (Whispers back) Zeek! Shhhh!

Dreyfuss: Mmmm, thank you. My, I’m full.

Zeek: Well, I’m sure you’ll be able to get in a nice workout with the many toys the zoo provides you.

Dreyfuss: Exercise? Yes. Exercise. Lift this banana. One, two. Lift this cherry. One, two. Must eat more!

Zeek:  No wonder he can’t fly!

Zoey: I think we’ve found his weakness.

(All the food is now gone.)

Zeek: Have you had enough?

Dreyfuss: No! Must have more! More food!

Zeek: Now remember, Professor. Dignity! Always dignity!

Dreyfuss: More!!!

Zeek: Run away!