Bottlenose Dolphins Dish on Life at the Zoo

This week, roving rodent reporter Zoey the zoo mouse and photographer Zeek have dropped by the bottlenose dolphin exhibit to interview the zoo’s star performers, Donna and Duncan. They have donned scuba gear and brought along an aquatic translation device to communicate with Tursiops truncatus under water.

Donna: Grmboe bbludh hfrummm …

Zoey: Um, sorry, what?

Zeek: Zoey, I think you have that thing set on “pilot whale.”

Zoey: Oh, whoops! [changes language on aquatic translation device] Now then … Thanks for giving us the opportunity to interview you.

Donna: Welcome to our tank. You two look SO cute in your little wetsuits!

Zoey: Why thank you! It took forever to find something in our size. But I digress. You have a bit of a celebrity status here at the zoo. Can you tell us about that?

Duncan: Well, of course. We have been performing for years, and we have a good understanding of what our audience wants.

Donna: Yes, yes. I mean the belugas can do a few tricks, but they don’t really connect with their fans … they’re not very people-oriented, you know?

Zoey: And you are?

Donna: Oh, yes, we love people. We find them very amusing … although our trainers are sometimes difficult.

Zoey: How so?

Donna: Ugh, some of the tricks they want us to do. So unoriginal … and predictable!

Duncan: They don’t really respect us as artists. But what can we do? We have to humor them, otherwise our public suffers.

Donna: Yes, it’s just an anchor we have to bear. Our brains may be bigger, but unfortunately the humans produce the shows.

Zoey: What do you mean, your “brains may be bigger”?

Donna: We have larger brains than humans.

Duncan: Huh. You didn’t know that? I would have thought it was obvious …

Zoey: I guess I just don’t spend enough time around humans … or dolphins. So tell me about your living environment.

Donna: As you can see, our home is outfitted with traditional coastal biome features, including tussac grass and lovely kelp beds. Duncan and I share this spacious south-facing tank with our two youngsters, Dylan and Daria.

Duncan: They are already proving themselves to be quite the little performers, too.

Zoey: Do families live together in the wild?

Duncan: Dolphins live in groups of families, really. Usually groups have about 20 members or so. I think we’re lucky, living in a compact family unit. And we have a nice clean environment meticulously maintained by the staff. I couldn’t imagine living in the squalor of the ocean.

Zoey: So I take it you were born in captivity?

Donna: Yes, both of us were. But we hate the term “captivity.” We prefer the expression, “managed freedom.”

Zoey: And what does your diet consist of?

Donna: Fish, shellfish, squid … pretty much things dolphins eat in the wild. But we don’t have to work for it, of course.

Zoey: You don’t consider performing working?

Donna: My, you are quite the cynic aren’t you? No, not at all. We adore performing.

Duncan: What Donna means is that we don’t have to hunt. We do get the occasional live tuna and Arctic cod, though. That’s a hoot!

Donna: I think we would drive each other crazy if we had to stun our meals every day.

Zoey: Stun your meals?

Duncan: We can emit a very high-pitched clicking noise that will stun our prey. Would you like a demonstration?

Zoey and Zeek: NO!!!

Zoey: And what’s that? [pointing toward object in tank]

Duncan: Oh, the bubble emitter? We find it soothing.

Donna: Yes, we call it our “calm emitter”—it really helps us get into character before a performance.

Duncan: Speaking of which, it’s coming up on that time.

Donna: Yes, you’ll have to excuse us, but we must prepare for our next show.

Zoey: Mind if we get a picture first?

Duncan: Mind? We’d love it!