Frieda the False Killer Whale Faces Identity Crisis

This week, roving rodent reporter Zoey the zoo mouse and photographer Zeek are speaking with Frieda, the false killer whale. Frieda is experiencing an identity crisis after learning some surprising facts about her species, Pseudorca crassidens. Zoey and Zeek have come to get the scoop.

Zoey: Hello, Frieda, thanks for talking with us.

Frieda: (Sighs) Welcome to my tank.

Zoey: So the other cetaceans are saying you've been kind of low lately.

Frieda: Oooooh, I just don't know who I am anymore ... (Sighs)

Zoey: What do you mean?

Frieda: Well, I thought I was an orca ... y'know, a killer whale. I asked my pod mate Frank why we don't live with the other orcas and that's when he told me that I'm not a real killer whale, but a false killer whale ... and we're a whole different species. And yesterday I found out that we're not even real whales!

Zoey: Oh?

Frieda: During my last show, I heard over the loudspeakers that we're actually in the dolphin family! I just don't know what to make of it. A dolphin? Have you met the other dolphins? I couldn't possibly be one of them! (Sighs) Sometimes I feel like I could just beach myself.

Zoey: Well don't do that!

Zeek: She can't, Zoey. There's nowhere in her tank shallow enough.

Zoey: (Whispers) I know, Zeek. Just go along with me, okay? So Frieda, what does your pod make of all this?

Frieda: They don't seem to be affected, really. They've been trying to cheer me up, but it's all so ... depressing!

Zoey: If it makes you feel any better, I believe orcas are members of the dolphin family, too, so you're not the only cetaceans who fall into that subcategory.

Frieda: Well at least they have the name "orca" to fall back on. It seems no one could come up with enough distinguishing characteristics to call us anything other than a "false" something else!

Zoey: That doesn't mean you're not unique. Maybe whoever came up with your name wasn't that original.

Frieda: Hmmm... I never thought of it that way...

Zoey: And you don't really look like a killer whale to me.

Frieda: I know! I mean, I don't have all the white markings they have. There is some white on my belly, but otherwise I'm mostly dark gray.

Zoey: You could give both the orcas and bottlenose dolphins a run for their money with your performances, too.

Frieda: Oh, that's for sure. We false killer whales are highly trainable and very intelligent. Plus, we just looooove people. We even followed boats around in the wild. Granted, many times we were following fishing boats in search of a free meal ...

Zoey: So you came from the wild?

Frieda: Yes, and so did the rest of my pod. There were about 50 of us in the wild, and six of us were brought here when I was a young calf.

Zoey: Do you miss it?

Frieda: I don't remember a whole lot from my life there, but sometimes I do miss swimming in the open ocean. It's pretty good here, though. They've set us up with tussac grass, kelp beds, nice warm ocean water... and I really do enjoy performing. The food's not too bad, either.

Zoey: What sort of food do the zookeepers give you?

Frieda: All sorts of fish—shellfish, Arctic cod, yellowfin tuna... mmmmm. Tuna's sooo good...

Zoey: It sounds like you like your life here overall. So what do you care about the name someone calls you? People come in droves to see you, you have a great pod, and you're waited on, er, fin and tail by the zookeepers. Whale, dolphin, whatever—does it matter?

Frieda: You know, you're right. I guess I don't have anything to complain about after all... and now I'm going to be featured in an article!

Zeek: Zoey, you may have just saved the zoo some money on therapy! Hey, Frieda, now that you're happy, let's get a picture!