The Greatness of Greeting Gregor the White Shark
Roving rodent reporter Zoey and photographer Zeek enter the dangerous waters of the Great White Shark for our final shark interview. They must mind their P's and Q's when dealing with a celebrity as great as the Carcharodon carcharias.
Zeek: I don’t like this, Zoey. We’re supposed to interview a white shark today. A white shark! The Great White! They’re flesh eaters! No plankton. No shrimp. They eat meat!
Zoey: Calm down, Zeek. A resident of our zoo wouldn’t eat us. Not on purpose, anyway.
(Gregor swims up to Zeek from below)
Gregor: Hey there, I’m so glad you could make it today.
Zeek: (jumps) Eeeep!!!
Zoey: H-h-hello.
Gregor: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you. I am Gregor, at your service.
Zoey: We’re glad you could make it, Gregor.
Gregor: I would have been here sooner but I got mobbed by a school of groupers. You know how groupers are. They all wanted autographs. I suppose you want my autograph too?
Zoey: W-w-well we would like to get a picture.
Gregor: Of course. Of course! Make sure and get my best side.
Zeek: S-s-sure.
Gregor: Wait! You are much too far away. How about a close-up! I hear I have a dazzling smile.
Zeek: N-n-no, thanks. I have a zoom lens, Mr. White Shark!
Gregor: Ah, ah, ah! That’s great white, if you please. Now, I assume, like everybody else, you’d like an interview.
Zoey: Indeed! Tell us about yourself.
Gregor: Well, as you know, I am the largest predatory fish in the sea.
Zoey: Why are you called a white shark? You look grey to me.
Gregor: Great white shark, if you please. And look here. (Spins upside down) See my gleaming white underbelly?
Zeek: Dazzling. Stupendous. Magnificent!
Gregor: My top color helps me sneak up on tasty morsels from below like I did to you, my tiny friend. But enough about my color. Let’s talk about my radiant personality.
Zeek: (whispering) Zoey, he’s staring at me.
Zoey: (whispering) He isn’t, it just looks that way.
Gregor: You’re talking about my gorgeous eyes now, aren’t you?
Zoey: How do you see out of them? They’re so black!
Gregor: Seeing is overrated. I mostly rely on my sense of smell. (sniffs)What is that perfume you’re wearing?
Zoey: Ode de Rodent.
Gregor: Fabulous.
Zeek: Smile!
Gregor: I am always smiling, dear boy. You never know when you’ll be photographed. Make sure you get all 3000 of my teeth in the picture.
Zeek: I’ll use a wide-angle lens. (Snaps another picture)
Zoey: Those teeth are quite famous. Do you find that they hurt your reputation?
Gregor: Some brutes call me a killing machine.
Zeek: Imagine that!
Gregor: I prefer to think of myself as someone who has a taste for the finer things in life.
Zoey: What special skills do you have that you can show—
Zeek: (interrupting) What special, non-eating skills can you show us?
Gregor: Why I have an immense amount of talent. Just look how good a picture I take. Go on. Take another.
Zeek: Yes, sir. (Takes another picture)
Zoey: Could you show us your talent?
Gregor: (Takes a deep breath and sings, very badly)
Oh the shark has
Pretty teeth dear
And he shows them
Pearly white
Zeek: (Holding his ears) Yes, that’s just wonderful.
Zoey: (Clenching her teeth) Don’t hurt yourself now, you handsome thing.
Zeek: I think that wraps things up for all four of our featured sharks.
Zoey: (Turning to the crowd) Now, it’s up to you.
Zeek: That’s right. All you Zoo TycoonTM fans out there should vote for your favorite shark.
Zoey: Simply click this link here and send an email to the Zoo Tycoon feedback address with the subject line: “Favorite shark”.
Zeek: Then, in the body of the message, give your vote for which shark you like the best out of the following:
• Belle the Blacktip Reef Shark
• Wally the Whale Shark
• Henrietta the Scalloped Hammerhead Shark
• Gregor the Great White Shark
Zoey: I’ll tabulate the results and in two weeks, we’ll present the winning shark with a special reward and new tank of his or her own.
Gregor: A reward? A new tank? Oh you shouldn’t have! I must be the winner.
Zoey: You might be the winner. It’s up to the voters to decide.
Gregor: What will I do with my new tank? I believe I will invite all my other friends from the A-list to come here so they can throw a party for me!
Zeek: We’re gonna need a bigger tank.