Tempers Fly with Rollo the Javan Rhino

Zoey, our roving rodent reporter and Zeek, photographer extraordinaire, get out of the way of one mean ungulate, the Javan rhinoceros. Can Zeek follow orders from the Rhinoceros sondaicus without making things worse?

(The ground shakes as Zeek and Zoey enter the Enchanted Sanctuary.)

Zeek: Uh oh, Zoey, I don’t like this.

Zoey: I wonder if that’s what I think it is?

(Rollo busts through the trees and charges right at them.)

Rollo: CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!

Zeek: Oh no, not again!

Zoey: Quick, Zeek, climb this tree! We can talk to him from there.

Zeek: I’m with you.

(They scramble up the nearest tree.)

Zoey: Just look at that creature. It’s like a big tank!

(Rollo runs past them and spins around.)

Rollo: (Loudly) Atten-SHUN!

(Zeek is startled and falls out of the tree. Rollo runs up to him.)

Rollo: All right, soldier, fall in!

Zeek: What?

Rollo: You heard me, maggot, on your feet!

(Zeek jumps up.)

Rollo: Stand at attention, soldier. What’s the matter? Do I have to say it twice?

Zeek: I don’t know what you are talking about.

Rollo: Don’t you eyeball me, boy.

(Rollo gets eye to eye with Zeek, his big horn pushing Zeek back.)

Zeek: (He falls over) Oof!

Rollo: Did I give you permission to move?

Zeek: No, but your horn…

Zoey: He is saying that your wonderful horn was so impressive that he just fell over in amazement.

Zeek: Uh, right, that’s it.

Rollo: Well, of course. The rhino horn is a magnificent implement!

Zoey: I’ve heard that’s how you got your name.

Rollo: You heard right. (Reciting from memory) Name: Javan rhinoceros. Origin: Greek, from “rhino,” meaning nose, and “ceros,” meaning horn. Rank: Sergeant! Serial Number RHN359J!

Zeek: Nose horn! That makes sense!

Rollo: Did I give you permission to speak?!

Zeek: (Flustered) No, sergeant.

Rollo: Sgt. Rollo is how you should address me.

Zoey: You did give us a scare.

Rollo: Well, good. If you were a vicious predator and were scared off, I’ve done my job.

Zoey: I’m Zoey and this is Zeek. So you’re expecting an attack?

Rollo: We have to keep on our guard. You never know what might be lurking in the forest.

Zeek: Ah. Tropical forest. That explains the heat.

Zoey: I’m sure there aren’t many things that would come after you. You look very well armored. You’re like a tank.

Rollo: That’s the idea—get into their heads. Make them scared. They’ll run like rabbits.

Zoey: And even if you had to fight something, your armor would protect you.

Rollo: Keep this under your hat, but it only looks like armor. Our skin is thick, but it hangs down, which gives it the appearance of armor. If your enemies believe it’s armor, then all the better.

Zoey: Ah, like a disguise!

Zeek: Is that why you’re all covered in mud? For camouflage?

Rollo: (Slightly embarrassed) Um…no. I like to roll around in the mud.

(Zeek giggles.)

Rollo: Did you just laugh at me?!?

Zeek: Uh…no, sergeant—Sergeant Rollo!

Rollo: I think you’re laughing at me! Do you know how MAD that makes me?

Zeek: Zoey, do something!

Zoey: I do remember hearing that rhinos have bad tempers.

Rollo: WHAT?!?

Zeek: That didn’t help, Zoey.

(A voice is heard from behind.)

Voice: Rollo, are you losing your temper again! How many times have I warned you about that?!

Rollo: Uh oh, now you’ve done it.

(Rita, a larger rhinoceros, appears. She has no horn.)

Rita: What? Mice? You’re yelling at mice?

Rollo: (In a suddenly small, sheepish voice) No, dear, I wasn’t. We were just—

Rita: Doing what?

Rollo: Doing nothing. We were playing…and talking about rolling in the mud.

Rita: Well? Aren’t you going to introduce me to your new friends?

Rollo: Yes, dear. This is Zeek and this is Zoey.

Zoey: Charmed, I’m sure.

Rita: Ahem!

Rollo: Oh, and this is my wife Rita.

Zeek: Nice to meet you.

Rita: Did I give you permission to speak?!

Zeek: (To himself) Oh, boy.

Rita: Well, let’s not stand out here all day. I need something to drink. I haven’t seen water in days.

Zoey: Days? Isn’t that bad for you?

Rollo: Oh no, that’s typical for us, right dear?

Rita: Come on, I haven’t got all day.

(She starts to leave.)

Rollo: (In a sweet tone) Come on, Zeek, Zoey, let’s go find some water.

Zeek:  Hey, Rollo.

Rollo: (Flustered) yes?

Zeek: Your wife has no horn.

Rollo: Oh, females don’t have horns.

Zeek: Really?

Rollo: Yeah, but don’t say anything about it. She gets self-conscious. Especially about her weight.

Zeek: Yeah, I noticed she was bigger than you.

Rollo: That’s also typical. But that’s why I married her. There’s just more of her to love!

Zeek: Heh.

Rita: Rollo! Are you coming?!?

Rollo: Yes, dear! (Whispering to Zeek) Just try not to make her angry. You don’t want to see her when she’s angry.