Finding a Mate for Manny the Mastadon

Zoey, our roving rodent reporter, and Zeek, our zoo photographer, meet the bulky and hairy American Mastodon. Can they clean up this unkempt Mammut americanum and teach him how to win the heart of another?

Zeek: The World of Yesterday sure is a strange exhibit.

Zoey: Unlike any other of its kind.  Such unusual plant life, too!

Zeek: It sure is weird seeing animals that haven’t been around for years and years.

Zoey: That dodo sure was cute.

Zeek: And funny looking.

Zoey: (Giggles) Yeah, that too.

Zeek: I wonder who else we’ll see here?

Zoey: Who knows? We just have to be ready for anything. We might meet anyone or anything in this exhibit.

Zeek: (Looks around) How do they get here again?

Zoey: It’s some kind of magic, I think. We never know when or where an animal will appear. We just have to be ready to tell their story and get proof of their existence.

Zeek: I’m up for the challenge!

Zoey:  (Lifts her paw) Ow!  I stepped on a rock.

Zeek: Are you okay, Zoey?

Zoey: Yes, I just have to check my paw. I’ll lean up against this tree here.

(Zoey leans up against the trunk of a shaggy tree.)

Zeek: You should be more careful around here. You never know what we’ll find. There might be really tiny creatures even a mouse could step on.

(The trunk moves.)

Zoey: Whoa! What was that?

Zeek: I don’t know.

(The tree moves again.)

Zoey: (Stumbling) Ahhh!

Zeek: Earthquake!

Zoey: No. It’s not the earth. It’s just this tree that moved!

Zeek: That is one weird tree. I’ve never seen anything like it.

Zoey: Its bark is really strange. It’s all hairy! I’ve heard of a hickory tree called “shagbark,” but this is ridiculous.

Manny: There’s nothing ridiculous about my leg.

Zoey: Ahhh!

(The leg moves again and Zoey falls over.)

Manny: Are you all right? Sorry if I frightened you.

Zoey: Who are you?

Manny: I’m Manny. Here, let me help you up.

(He helps her up with his trunk.)

Zoey: Thank you. Hehehe. That tickles.

Manny: There you are. Are you okay?

Zoey: I’m fine, thank you.

Zeek: Are you okay there? Your leg keeps shaking

Manny: Oh, I’m just so nervous.

Zeek: Nervous? What does a big guy like you have to be nervous about?

Manny: There’s a girl mastodon that I like. Her name’s Maxine. She’s cute.

Zoey: Awww, that’s so sweet.

Manny: I’m so nervous, though. I can’t even talk to her.

Zeek: What’s the problem?

Manny: The other mastadons are all bigger than me and push me out of the way.

Zeek: Other mastodons?! There are more of you?

Manny: Oh, yes. There’s a whole herd of us. I can’t compete with all those other males!

Zeek: Sure you can. The bigger they are the harder they fall.

Manny: What’s that supposed to mean?

Zoey: I don’t really know. The point is, I bet you’ve got lots to offer.

Manny: Oh, I don’t know. My friends like me well enough, I suppose, but I’m no good at talking to girls. My cousin the mammoth says I’m a big sissy.

Zoey: You are not!

Manny: A big red sissy, he says.

Zoey: Well don’t listen to your cousin. I’m sure you’re not half as bad as he says.

Zeek: And you don’t look that red. I’d call it kind of a mahogany or reddish-brown. Burnt umber, maybe.

Zoey: (Sarcastically) That really helps a lot, Zeek.

Manny: Maybe he’s right. (Brushes back his shaggy hair) No one would want a scared, messy, hairy beast like me. I’m even allergic to my own hair!

Zeek: Allergic to your own hair? Is that even possible?

Manny: Oh, it’s possible. (He sneezes.)

Zoey: Oh, tish-tosh! All you need is a little confidence and a little cleaning up. Here, lift me up.

Manny: Okay.

(Manny lifts Zoey up with his trunk. She licks her fingers and brushes some of Manny’s hair out of his face.)

Zoey: There. That looks better already.

Manny: Thanks, but that won’t help me talk to Maxine. (He sets Zoey down) I wouldn’t know what to say.

Zoey: Just talk to her about something she likes.

Zeek: Start by telling her she looks nice, and then give her a gift.

Zoey: Like some flowers!

Manny: Here’s some. Do you think she’d like these?

Zeek: I’m sure she would. You’ll never know unless you try.

Manny: You’re right.

(He eats the flowers.)

Manny: Mmmmmm. You’re right, she will like them—they’re delicious!

Zoey: Oh, boy.

Manny: I could take her to dinner.

Zoey: Sure! She’d love that.

Manny: My cousin is always eating down at the grasslands. He’d say I should take her there. But I don’t think she’d like that.

Zeek: Grass, huh. So mammoths like eating that stuff?

Manny: He says it sticks to your ribs, and all the elephants seem to agree with him. They eat that all the time.

Zoey: Forget about what the mammoth says. What do you like to eat?

Manny: Well, I like leaves. Yes. Leaves. I know this great place out by the swamp. Lots of great trees with leaves there, and a bunch of shrubberies, too!

Zoey: Excellent! Take her to the swamp. Just make sure you act like a gentleman.

Zeek: And don’t let food get stuck in your teeth.

Manny: That might be a problem.

Zeek: Why’s that?

Manny: Look.

(Manny opens his mouth and lowers his head so Zeek can see inside.)

Zeke: Wow, you ain’t kidding. You have teeth in your cheeks!

Manny: Uh, huh. They help me eat the leaves.

Zoey: In your cheeks?! That’s a new one.

Manny: Yeah, they do get around. See how they’re cone-shaped? They help break things up.

Zoey: I’m sure your big tusks come in handy as well.

Manny: Well, only if something big is in my way.

Zeek: Like another mastadon?

Manny: Well, I was more thinking of a big tree or something. I just lower my tusks and rip off some of that yummy bark.

Zeek: That’s it, Manny!

Manny: What’s “it”?

Zeek: You said the other mastodons push you out of the way.

Manny: Uh huh. (He sneezes again)

Zeek: Well, the next time the other mammoths are nearby when you want to talk to Maxine, just show off your big tusks.

Manny: How?

Zeek: Display them proudly, like the elephants do. And if any mastodon looks at you funny, poke him in the behind! If he’s bigger than you, that just means you’ll have a good angle for poking from below. Swing your head up and poke! Poke! Poke! He’ll be long gone in no time.

Manny: Hmmm, that sounds like it could work. Okay, I’ll try it.

Zeek: Good.

Manny: Bye, Zeek! Bye, Zoey! I’ll let you know how it goes.

Zeek: Go get ‘em, tiger!

Manny: (Stops) Tiger?!? Where?

Zeek: No, there are no tigers…just remember, tusks up!

Manny: (To himself) Tusks up! Tusks up!

Zoey: Good luck!

Zeek: He’ll need it.