Missing link takes flying lessons

Zoo mouse reporter Zoey and trusty photographer Zeek take a seat with Peter the Protarchaeopteryx robusta to get to the bottom of his flying hobby.

(A group of jeering juveniles crowds around a single Protarchaeopteryx, who has jumped from an Extinct-themed trash can and landed on his behind.)

Zeek: Hey, what’s with the feathers? I thought we came here to interview a dinosaur

Zoey: (Jabs Zeek in the ribs as the Protarchaeopteryx gets to his feet, rubbing his sore backside) Hello, Peter! My name is Zoey, and this is Zeek, my photographer.  I understand you’re taking flying lessons. How is it coming along?

Peter: (Moans) It’s hopeless! I just don’t think I’ve got what it takes. Plus, my backside can’t handle much more of this. Who knew flying required a padded posterior?

Zeek: (Whispers, wiggling his eyebrows dramatically) Backside…posterior!

Zoey: Shhh! Sorry, Peter. I’m sure things will get better the more you practice.

Peter: I’m not so sure about that. All the other guys keep making fun of me! They say I couldn’t learn how to fly in a million years.

Zeek: More like fifty million years, if you ask me….

Zoey: (Steps on Zeek’s foot) Oh, Peter! You shouldn’t listen to them. You can do anything you want—just stick with it!

Peter: No, no need to sugar coat things for me.  (Looks downcast) I know how these things work. My mamma is always telling me not to be in such a hurry. “Slow down, Peter! You’re not going to evolve any faster by rushing around on those long legs of yours! Stop and smell the tar pit!” I’ve heard it all before. But I have this feeling that if I just try a little harder…well.  I guess the future will get here when it’s good and ready. But all the teasing, all the name-calling—I’m just tired of being the butt of everyone’s jokes.

Zeek: (Snickers) He said—

Zoey: Can it, Zeek. Peter, what made you want to fly in the first place?

Zeek: (Whispers hysterically) You said “can!”

Zoey: Please ignore my colleague, Peter. You were saying?

Peter: (Scratches his head) I don’t know what made me want to fly. Instinct, I guess. My grade-school teachers all say I’m mature for my age, a little more evolved than others, if you will. But my dad says that me learning how to fly is like a dodo getting an English degree: Both of our future careers would include the words, “Do you want fries with that?” Even my little sister thinks I’m going to be a bum when I grow up.

Zeek: (Howls with laughter) “Bum!” Did you hear that?!

Zoey: That’s a terrible thing to say!

Zeek: Hey, he said it, not me!

Zoey: (Impatiently) No, I mean what his dad said about getting an English degree. That’s what I studied!

Zeek: Yeah, that’s low—he’s really scraping the bottom of the barrel. Oooh, I said “bottom!”

Zoey: Shush, now, or I’ll—I’ll—smack you!

Zeek: (Snickers) Really? Where? On my—

Zoey: (Glaring) Don’t say it! Back to you, Peter.

Peter: Well, like I was saying, I’m a bit of an odd duck—kind of a link between dinosaurs and birds. But other dinosaurs look down on me for being a pipsqueak, and the birds just fly away when I stop by to chat. Let’s face it—we’ve been extinct for 150 million years, so it’s not like I’m going to get another crack at this flying bit any time soon. I just don’t feel like I fit in anywhere. Haven’t you ever felt that way?

Zoey: Well, sure—I guess everyone has at one time or another. But Peter, you’re something really special—you’re a dinosaur!

Peter: Yeah, technically, that’s true—but I’m not big like the other dinosaurs. I’m not scary like the other dinosaurs. (Shyly begins drawing circles in the dirt with his claw) I mean, seriously, have you seen them? I’m nothing like those guys—just look at me! I’m halfway to being a bird already!

Zoey: But just think of it—you’re following your dreams, pushing the boundaries, setting new standards! That’s something your descendants will all be proud of. Surely that’s worth all the effort.

Peter: You’re right—I never thought of it that way!

Zoey: Zeek, what on earth are you doing?

Zeek: I’m just looking for my…fanny pack! (He falls to the ground in spasms of laughter.)

Zoey: (Loudly) Well, Peter, good luck on your lessons. I hope you’re able to fly soon!

Peter: Maybe not today (he looks heroically into the distance), but someday….