Our Furry Friends Get Drafted By Sergeant Stegosaurus
Zoey and Zeek’s ongoing exploration of the World of Yesterday leads them to a meeting with Sergeant Stegosaurus. But how do you approach as well-armed and -armored a beast as the Stegosaurus armatus?
Zeek: This is much more like it. It’s warm here, and look at all the interesting plants!
Zoey: Yes, the creature we are interviewing today lived in tropical forests. All the dinosaurs preferred warmer climates. If it got too cold they might freeze.
Zeek: I know how they feel. I’m still shivering from all that ice!
(The bushes behind the mice part and a giant dinosaur lumbers into view. He is as large as an elephant, over 30 feet long and 14 feet tall. The huge plates running down the middle of his back make him seem even taller. These plates droop to the side as the beast walks. He calls out from behind the two mice.)
Sergeant: Ten HUT!
(The mice both jump, turning to look into the face of the stegosaurus. Zeek glances warily at its tail and the four large spikes protruding from it, particularly since the beast is waving it in the air.)
Sergeant: Present ARMS!
(Zeek, looking confused, timidly waves his arms back and forth.)
Zoey: Hello, there. We are….
Sergeant: (Bellowing) You must be the new recruits! I’ve been looking for you for ages! I’m your Sergeant, I’m in command of this unit.
Zeek: Um…
Zoey: No, no, we aren’t recruits. We’re here to interview you. I wanted to talk about what it’s like to be a stegosaurus, and….
Sergeant: The press? No, no, that is completely unacceptable, soldier! You both need to enlist in my squad. There aren’t as many of us as there used to be.
Zeek: Well, that figures. You have been extinct for thousands of years.
Sergeant: Extinct? The mighty stegosaurus?! Nonsense! Why, nothing can harm my boys. Built like tanks, we are, with armor plating on top and a formidable weapon in the rear. Nothing can harm us!
Zoey: Those are impressive armor plates. What are they, almost three feet high?
Sergeant: Yes, look closely at my formidable fortification! I have seventeen plates down my back, in alternating pairs for full protection. I can bring them close to my flank for protection, or I can raise them up when I want to look larger and more threatening. Watch!
(He raises his plates up in the air. Even the plates on his lower back tower high over the mice.)
Sergeant: So report, recruits: Have you been through basic training on the proper use of your armor plates yet?
Zeek: Um, we don’t have any armor. Just fur.
Sergeant: No armor plates? Why, you‘re nearly defenseless! That won’t do at all, not in my unit! I’ll requisition you some.
Zeek: (Whispering to Zoey) I’m more concerned about that spiked tail of his. Look at the way he’s waving it around! Can he even see what he’s doing?
Sergeant: (Overhearing) Of course I can see what I’m doing! My thagomizer has served me well. It keeps me safe and wards off predators.
Zeek: Your thagomawhazzit?
Sergeant: My thagomizer. That’s the technical term for my powerful, spiked tail.
(The Sergeant turns and waves his tail over the heads of the mice, who duck quickly.)
Sergeant: Take note of my technique, you might learn a few things. I’ve received two medals for valor in combat, due to my mastery of advanced thagomizer martial arts. (He swings his tail about in a violent and frightening display, then grumbles to himself) You wet-behind-the-ear recruits know nothing of the glory of combat.
Zeek: We are pretty good at running away….
Sergeant: Some defense that is! When you weigh over four tons retreat is not an option!
Zoey: Tell us about those medals of yours. What did you do to earn them?
Sergeant: I don’t want to brag….
Zoey: Oh, please do. We, um, “new recruits” have much to learn from your experience.
Sergeant: (Straightening up) Well, I do have a duty to set a good example. (He moves closer and starts to speak in a loud, dramatic tone) There we were, my men and I, out in the jungle, grazing on the low-lying plants and trying to remain out of sight. We would take turns keeping lookout, watching for predators. You never know when some hungry beast will try to make a meal of you.
Zoey: What happened then, Sergeant?
Sergeant: As I said, all was quiet…too quiet. Then I heard him. Though he was concealed in the foliage of the jungle, trying to sneak up on my squad, I heard what I knew to be the unmistakable sounds of a giant Tyrannosaurus rex!
Zeek: Oh no!
Sergeant: Oh yes! The king of the lizards meant to make a meal of my men. He almost had us, too, but I sounded the alarm and called my unit into formation. We turned our heads towards each other, facing our tails outwards. Just in time, too, as no sooner had we formed up than the T. Rex moved to attack. I bet you’ve never seen anything like it, a beast over 40 feet long with teeth like knives, roaring and charging you!
Zoey: How terrifying!
Sergeant: Yes. Without my leadership the unit might have panicked and broken, which would have exposed our flank to attack. But I kept my cool and barked orders to the men to raise their tails and lash out as one. The T. Rex was faced with a veritable wall of spikes! He kept roaring and making mock charges, but we never let our guard down. In the end he chose not to risk engaging us, and ran away to seek a safer meal. My cool head had saved the day!
Zeek: That’s using your head! Or tail. Or something.
Zoey: (Writing in her notebook) This will make a great story. You are an inspiration.
Sergeant: Well, it is my duty to lead.
Zoey: You mentioned you had won two medals. What was the other one for?
Sergeant: I earned a Purple Scale, for the wounds I received in combat.
Zoey: Wow! Tell us that story!
Sergeant: That one, that’s not important.
Zoey: Oh come now, we want to hear the full story. What happened?
Sergeant: Er…well, after the T. Rex ran off, I was so distracted that I, well….
Zoey: Yes?
Sergeant: I sat on my tail.
(The mice fall to the ground laughing)
Sergeant: What?! No laughing at your sergeant! I’ll have you marching until dawn!
Zeek: (To Zoey) Let’s march right out of here before he has a chance.