Tyrannosaurus Rex Talks Turkey with Zoey and Zeek

Recently a zoo guest made the ill-fated decision to enter the Tyrannosaurus rex exhibit to get a closer look. The visitor was promptly eaten by Terrence T. Rex. Roving rodent reporter Zoey the zoo mouse and photographer Zeek drop by the T. rex exhibit to find out what happened.

Zoey: Hello, Mr. Rex. Thank you for allowing us to chat with you today.

Terrence T. Rex: Did someone say something?

Zoey: Yes, Mr. Rex. It’s me, Zoey, the reporter. Down here!

Terrence T. Rex: What? Who’s talking?

Zoey: C’mon Zeek, let’s climb to the top of this King Sago tree so we’re closer to Mr. Rex’s ears.

Zeek: Are you sure it’s safe, Zoey?

Zoey: Yeah, I’d say so. I don’t even think we qualify as snack-size to this guy, Zeek. Now then. Mr. Rex, can you hear me? We’re up in the tree here, Mr. Rex. Behind you.

Terrence T. Rex: Oh, there you are! And I can hear you perfectly now. Tiny creatures, aren’t you? Wow, you wouldn’t be worth eating at all.

Zoey: Yes, lucky for us. Speaking of which…can you tell us what happened the other day?

Terrence T. Rex: The other day, the other day...Oh! You mean the whole eating-the-guest incident. Well, I was between meals, feeling a little peckish, when in walked this snack! I thought maybe the zookeepers provided it for me…You know, like a special treat. It was only after I swallowed the “snack” that I realized he was a hapless—and stupid—zoo guest.

Zoey: So how did the zoo handle it?

Terrence T. Rex: The zookeepers were freaking out of course, but somehow the zoo managed to avoid a huge PR fiasco. And since then, my meal portions have doubled. If I could manage to gobble down another guest, maybe they’d triple my servings…or finally offer up a Styracosaurus.

Zoey: Hmmm…so…have you ever tried to eat one of the zookeepers?

Terrence T. Rex: When I was younger. But Mother let me know anyone in a zookeeper uniform wasn’t a meal. They were the ones who brought our meals...

Zoey: What do you usually eat, then?

Terrence T. Rex: Delightfully tender dinosaur meat. That zoo guest thing was an unfortunate—albeit rewarding—misunderstanding. As was the elephant incident.

Zoey: What elephant incident?

Terrence T. Rex: Oh, last week the zookeepers were expanding my exhibit’s perimeter and they left out a section of the dinosaur fencing. While I have a nice parcel of tropical terrain, it’s only natural that I’d take advantage of an opportunity like that. All of a sudden, I could go where ever I wanted, no nasty electric shock to stop me!

Zoey: So why the elephants?

Terrence T. Rex: When I spotted the elephants, it was like I went back in time. They looked like they could be prey from the Cretaceous period, my era, you know? Turns out they’re a bit gamey, but still a nice change from the same old meat every day. What I’d really like to do is sink my teeth into some Styracosaurus, but they’ve got the dinosaur fencing around them, too…

Zoey: I see you have Styracosaurus on the brain…It sounds like maybe the zookeepers aren’t doing enough to keep you entertained…or fed.

Terrence T. Rex: Maybe. I just can’t fight my natural instincts. Pursuit balls, beef in blocks of ice, prey dummies, yes they’re all fairly amusing, but not the same as, y’know, actual hunting. I mean, that zoo guest ran from me…and so did the elephant! The chase, oh, it’s exhilarating! Although in both cases, it was also fairly short-lived. My size may have been an advantage, heh, heh. Styracosaurus would at least be a challenge.

Zoey: Yes, you are extraordinarily large…

Terrence T. Rex: Sixteen feet tall, to be exact! And when I throw my five tons of weight into stomping the ground like this (stomps ground), I can make my own little earthquake.

Zoey: Whoa, hold on, Zeek!

Zeek: My camera case!

Terrence T. Rex: Oh, dear. I’d pick it up for you, but my arms aren’t designed for handling small items. They’re clumsy things, really—sometimes I wonder why I have them at all. You can come down here and get your camera case yourself.

Zeek: Um, that’s okay. I don’t want to get…underfoot. I needed a new one anyway. I’d like to get a picture of you, though. Say cheese!

Terrence T. Rex: What’s cheese?

Zeek: Uh, never mind…How about you just say “Styracosaurus”?