In the Zone with Zane the Zebra

Rodent reporter Zoey and her faithful photographer Zeek travel to the Africa exhibit to talk with a zebra, but they find him out of sorts. Will this young Equus burchelli boehmi be too busy trying to look cool to talk with two inquisitive mice?

Zoey: He should be right around here. Do you see him?

Zeek: (Panting) No. I see nothing. So hot....

Zoey: What? What's the matter now?

Zeek: (Stumbling) This is it. This is the end. I'm dying of heat stroke. Goodbye, cruel world, goodbye...everything’s going black…Grandma, is that you?

Zoey: Oh come on, you're not dying. Really, what did you expect? This is an African exhibit, and African animals like warm weather. We're guests here, we need to respect their wishes.

Zeek: That's easy for you to say. You don't have to lug photographic equipment wherever we go.

Zoey: It's a camera, Zeek. I think you can handle it. Look, there he is! Hello! Mr. Zebra! Hello!

(Zane the Zebra stands in the shade of a tree, staring off into space. He gives no sign of having heard Zoey.)

Zoey: Hello?

Zeek: Yo! Zebra dude! Down here!

Zane: (Looking down) Hey, miniature reporters. Cool.

Zeek: Well, we like to think so.

Zoey: Do you have a few moments? We'd like to interview you for an article.

Zane: Is this about my band? Are you from Rolling Stone?

Zoey: Um, no. You have a band?

Zane: Sure, "Zane and the Zebroids." Ever since my Mom kicked me out I’ve been hanging with my buds, and now we’ve formed a band. We're into post-punk/alt-rock/jazz fusion. I'm vocalist and front-man, and I'll also be lead guitarist as soon as I learn to play the guitar. So you're with MTV, right?

Zoey: Sorry, no. But we'd love to hear your music. Do you have a record?

Zane: Not yet. We're still working on a demo tape. Actually, we're trying to get instruments right now, but the demo tape will come right after that, and once the record companies hear our sound, they'll sign us to a recording contract and put us out on tour. So you’d better get your interview now, 'cause I won't be around here much longer. I'm headed for the big time, y'know?

Zeek: (Sarcastically) Oh sure, a zebra rock band. Who doesn’t love zebra punk?

Zane: Post-punk. But you're right, we'll hit it big for sure. Which is why I'm changing my look. I've gotta be ready for the paparazzi being all in my face, y'know? For instance, my hair.

Zoey: Your hair. Do you mean your mane?

Zane: Right, my 'do. As you can see, I've got a bitchin' mohawk already, the chicks really dig it.

Zeek: Yeah, that is pretty cool. Your mane sticks straight up. Do you do that with mousse?

Zane: Moose? Nah, those guys are too stand-offish. Anyway, the mohawk comes naturally. Every zebra's got one. Which is why I need mine to be more distinctive. I've been thinking of dyeing it pink. What do you think—would green be a better color?

Zoey: Not really, no. Why would you want to dye your mane? You’re already so colorful already!

Zeek: (Under his breath) Well, two colors anyway: black and white.

Zane: For the babes, man! For the babes! I’m nearly five years old, it’s time for me to be making time with the ladies.

Zoey: Oh, you’re looking for a girlfriend? That’s so sweet!

Zane: Actually, a harem would be more like it. But yeah, I’m in the market for some love. That’s why we started the band, too—we thought it would impress the chicks.

Zeek: And how’s that working out for you?

Zane: Not so great, but as soon as we get instruments and learn how to play them, we’ll be on the fast track to success. We can’t miss!

Zoey: So, let me make sure I’ve got this straight: once you get instruments and learn to play them and…

Zane: …and record a demo…

Zoey: …right, and record a demo, and get a recording contract, and go out on tour, and dye your mane pink, then you’ll be ready to settle down with a nice girl and make a family?

Zane: Woah there, woah! Who said anything about settling down? Everyone knows you can’t domesticate a zebra! Don’t fence me in, baby!

Zeek: (Rolling his eyes) This guy’s a real catch.

Zoey: Thanks for your time, I think we’ve got enough material. Oh, but Zane?

Zane: Yeah?

Zoey: Don’t dye your mane pink. Or green. In fact, don’t dye it at all.

Zane: I gotta do something to my look, though. Maybe if I got a moose....